Readers of a nervous disposition may wish not to read the PS.

You all know my low tolerance for quack medicine and spurious healthy lifestyle advice. There’s a lot of it about. Homeopathy continues to be in vogue. The clean eating brigade, whose arch-exponents have no dietetic experience, and no proof whatsoever their quackery extends your life. Crystal therapy. Gwyneth Paltrow’s continuing encouragement of vaginal steam cleaning. The list goes on and on.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, this week things reached a zenith, or possibly a nadir, when I discovered the latest bits of chicanery intended to turn gullible people upside down and shake them till all the cash has fallen out of their pockets.

A friend had just renewed her insurance, and was puzzled to read that among the treatment exclusions was listed ‘unicorn therapy.’ She not unnaturally had a ‘WTH?’ moment, as indeed did I. A bit of an internet rummage produced some results. Here’s a typical offering from one of those available.

  • Unicorn reading & meditation to meet your unicorn guide – £30
  • Attunement & meditation – £35
  • Unicorn healing treatment & Reiki – £25
  • To combine 2 sessions – £45
  • To combine all 3 sessions, of approx 1.5 hours – £60
  • Master/Teacher course – includes unicorn healing, how to give attunement and manual – £50

Not cheap is it?

Things then take a steeper dive into the depths of out and out bollocks. Fancy a bit of ‘Mermaid Energy Healing & Attunement’? Allow me to enlighten you.

  • Mermaid Reading & meditation to connect with mermaid energy and meet your Dolphin Guide – £30
  • Attunement & meditation £35
  • Mermaid healing treatment & Reiki £25
  • To combine 2 sessions – £45
  • To combine all 3 sessions, of approx 1.5 hours, £60

(add £3 if paying via paypal)

How to use the Magical Mermaid Energy during your own healing session

‘It is very easy to use the energy of the Mermaids during a healing session. After you have received your attunement you will be able to call upon the Mermaids for guidance and to assist you by transferring their healing energies to you.

‘During your attunement you will be given the Sacred Shell Symbol in your palm chakras which you can then use to call upon the mermaids to be with you as you pass the healing energies through your hands to where healing is needed.’

You’re probably a bit shell-shocked now, so I’ll spare you the details of ‘Angel Therapy’ and the associated ‘Practitioner Course.’ Rest assured they do exist. The courses, not the angels.

And people fall for this load of tosh. This woman’s diary is pretty much fully booked. Money for jam, eh?

PS By happy coincidence, the Unicorn Therapy story surfaced in the same week that a sex toy company started offering unicorn horn-shaped dildoes, with a rubber sucker on the base.

A word to the wise. These will work best if your orifices have left hand threads, or your eyes may water a bit.