Swinging downtown Dunmow has been awash with news this week, not all of it good.
Here’s one of the good bits. It’s a ‘Local boy done good’ story. Apparently one Nick Carsberg of this parish has won a BBC talent show called Let It Shine. I have to admit I’d never heard of the show until this week, and I’ve certainly never seen it. Anyway, Mr Carsberg hit the front page and page 2 of the august Dunmow Broadcast. Not bad for a 17 year old, though for me it’s a bit of a matter of indifference. However, I include these tidings because I do know his sister, and she was cock-a-hoop about it.
Now we arrive at the sordid end of the market. Some time this week, the local branch of the TSB was used for some highly irregular business. The branch has an internal ATM, and to gain access after hours you have to swipe your debit card. When you’re in, the door locks behind you so nobody can sneak up on you and grab your loot, though obviously this won’t worry any cutpurse or footpad that doesn’t mind waiting outside in the rain.
Anyway, CCTV recordings revealed a couple having sex. Yep, a quick kneetrembler over the cashpoint. During discussions in the pub there was much ribald guffawing as the inevitable jokes about ‘That’s an unusual deposit,’ and ‘I hope he made a quick withdrawal. Har dee har.
When things get even more sordid. A couple were seen in the local Domino’s with the woman performing on the man what the tabloids coyly refer to as a ‘sex act.’ Quite a few gags there about salami, extra toppings, yeah yeah yeah.
But here’s the thing. Neither of the last two is true as far as I can ascertain. I think Terry Pratchett who said, ‘A lie can travel halfway round the world before the truth can get its boots on.’ These appear to be urban myths in the making. That’s why fact checking is important.
The TSB one seems to be entirely made up. The Domino’s story does have at least some basis in truth, jut not in Dunmow. It seems this happened in Hull, where Daniella Hirst and Craig Smith, the perpetrators of this reprehensible behaviour live.
Domino’s must have a powerful aphrodisiac effect, since early on New Year’s Day a couple were seen on the job outside a branch in London.