Currently, UK petrol prices average about 130p/litre. For those of you of an American tendency, that’s about $4.80, though you need to bear in mind UK gallons are ¼ bigger than US gallons. Still a lot, though. Thank Gorgeous George and Spreadsheet Phil.

Not surprisingly people moan about this cost bigly. But it’s a price you have to pay, though it is a cost attached to what marketeers refer to as a ‘grudge purchase.’ Nobody wants to, but they have to, and that makes them crabby.

The cost does somewhat pale into insignificance when compared with the dosh that people will fork out on ‘discretionary’ purchases. How does £290/litre sound to you? Sounds a lot to me, but apparently not to purchasers of ESPA Detoxifying Bath Oil.

For the princely sum of £29/100 ml you can take a good long soak, and this oil will ‘boost circulation and stimulate lymphatic drainage’ leaving you all nice and detoxed. It does this with ‘natural detoxifiers,’ which include purifying cypress (as opposed to toxic cypress, I guess), energising grapefruit (as opposed to slacker grapefruit), and stimulating juniper (as opposed to soporific juniper.)

Now if you think 290 smackers per litre is a lot, I have some very bad news for you. You’re an unreconstructed cheapskate. Beatitude Patience Bath Oil is apparently a great soak after sport. It’s a ‘therapeutic stimulating blend’ of rosemary (you could eat some roast lamb instead), lavender (also good with lamb as long as you don’t overdo it), ginger (also good with roast lamb), and guess what else? Yep, juniper again. This little lot will set you back 25 quid for 50 ml. That’s a cool 500 quid a litre. Makes petrol look like the bargain of the century, doesn’t it?

On a point of order, Mr Chairman, you can also cook lamb with juniper berries. I wouldn’t but there you go, different strokes for different folks. My personal view is the best way to use juniper to detox is by drinking gin. And I hate gin with a passion. But at a mere 16 quid or so for a litre, it’s remarkable value for money. Also, if you drink enough you’ll be sick, which is one of nature’s very own and very efficient detoxing methods.