It’s All Fools Day today, so I was half tempted to do some spoofy stuff. However, the world is so mad at the moment (a reality television personality [applying the term loosely] in the White House for one example) that I thought I’d not bother, because nobody would be able to tell it was a mickey-take. Hence I decided to stay with my theme of animal stories. However, both the following animal-related stories are highly speculative to the point of disbelief. And I do mean highly.

First up, an advertisement currently running on the television. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s promoting, since that’s some form of confectionery, and that’s not in my bailiwick. It features a group of women at the cinema. As the lights go down, they begin to open the bags of sweeties they’ve got. As an aside, if they paid cineplex prices, they’re very affluent women.

When they open the bags, what a surprise they get! A cute CGI seal emerges from each bag. (I know they’re seals not sea lions because they have no external ears, and no, don’t ask me why I know that.) They proceed to roll about on the railing of the circle where our subjects are seated, and one supercutely (if you like that kind of thing) even balances a choccie on its nose.

But here’s the thing. In the original, uncut ad, one of the little critters falls off the railing. When our heroines cast anxious eyes over the railing, Lo! Cuteypie is all snuggled safely up in somebody’s lap. In the revised ad, said cutester doesn’t fall at all. It’s been edited out.

Here’s the speculative aspect. Two, actually. Some treehugger got in on the act and cried ‘Foul! Animal cruelty!’ Well settle down, whoever you might be. IT’S CGI! It’s not real, you moron! It’s a pretend. It’s made for laughs and cuteness. Or here’s another possibility. Some poor little snowflake child got triggered, and said child’s overprotective mother had a moan. Either way, who really gave enough of a rat’s arse to voice a complaint? Too much time on their hands whoever it was.

Now a really great bit of groundless speculation, a story that made me wonder if I’d lost a day and it was April 1st after all. Some bunch of pointyheads claim that T rex, the fearsome raptor, had a snout as sensitive as human fingertips. How they know this is anybody’s guess, since there’s not soft tissue left to examine. They claim that the reptiles would use their tactile facilities to carefully pick up eggs and hatchlings. I can just about buy that interpretation, even if it’s based on an observation that can’t actually be made.

Then it all goes really pointy. T rex was a sensitive lover. What? ‘In courtship, tyrannosaurids might have rubbed there sensitive faces together as a vital part of pre-copulatory play.’ Believe that load of tosh, you’ll believe that unicorns coexisted with the dinos. As indeed they did, of course.