Back in the late 70s, I was a big fan of a book by Steven Pile. The Book of Heroic Failures did exactly what it said on the tin. It was a feelgood book that made you think, ‘Even I have never failed that dramatically.’ He obligingly updated it in 1988, and again in 2011.

Now some pointyheads in Helsingborg in Sweden have turned things up to 11, with the opening on Thursday of the Museum of Failure. This also does what it says on the tin. It’s dedicated to things that have gone wrong, or simply couldn’t find a market.

Now I’ve had a pop at one or two devices that fit the latter category. The Rollie. Remember that? The thing for making omelette on a stick? I’d deffo want that in there. The Juicero* deserves a special place too.

Things now turn mildly unsavoury, so if you have a delicate sensibility you may wish to go and do something worthwhile. Back in April, an entrepreneur with his eye firmly on the main chance announced a product that he called Woody Wipes. When I was recently alerted to these by an internet post by a friend, I fervently hoped it to be a spoof, but alas no. They appear to be bona (see what I did there?) fide. I’m not guaranteeing that, of course.

Woody Wipes are ‘personal hygiene wipes for men.’ Allegedly blokes are a bit hit and miss with keeping their undercarriages sparkly clean and odour free, and these wipes are, quite literally, the answer to a maiden’s prayer.

There are some remarkable testimonials about the efficacy of these hygiene products, and all seem to be from women pleased about the upsurge (see what I did there?) in bedroom action. How come when their men partners don’t realise they have parts that smell a bit gamey, they don’t do a Lysistrata on them? Sweaty bollocks=no sex. Have a shower you smelly git.

By the way, these things are ‘flushable.’ We all know that means you can flush them, not that they biodegrade. I wouldn’t want to swim through a load of them on a trip to the seaside.

I think they deserve a place in the Museum.

*Doug Evans, the designer and $100M investor in Juicero, was recently reported to be pleading with people to not just buy the pouches of juice, but to actually splash the cash and buy the pointless part app/part tech. Whoever would have thought that people might be put off by the $700 price tag and decide to invest in a pair of scissors instead?

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