Further to the hilarity provided by the Goop Festival (Friday’s effort) I’m pleased to announce some more bits of posturing from people with lots of money and a spiritual compass that swings about like a magnetic compass in a power station.

Firstly, allow me to introduce you to The Nurture Studio*. This is a local outfit and here’s just a bit of the somewhat illiterate copy from their website.

‘Welcome to The Nurture Studio a holistic space.(sic)situated in the most beautiful setting surrounded by fields, lakes and farmland with plenty of parking.

We offer various types of Yoga: Kundalini, Hatha, Yoga Nidra, Pre & post natal, Childrens (sic) Yoga. Mindfulness Meditation, Gong Bath Meditation & Relaxation Classes.

Not only do we offer these amazing classes we also have some of the best holistic therapists In (sic) Essex to complete your wellbeing. Treatments range from Facial & Feet Reflexology, Indian Head Massage, Energy Healing, The New Access Energetic Face Lift and lots more.

We hold regular workshops that include Self Love, How to heal your gut, Soulful Sundays, Wellbeing & Mind Body Talks, Energy Transmissions, Sound Therapy, Goddess Days, Sacred Cacao Healing Cermonies (sic).’

I’m not averse to the concept of yoga. I did hatha yoga for many years, back when I was sane, and I enjoyed it and benefited from it greatly. The rest just sounds like a bunch of New Age drivel.

I once went, out of idle curiosity, to a Sound Therapy workshop. Some of it was fun; I’d always wanted to beat the crap out of one of those big gongs much beloved of progrockers (and Ian Paice of Deep Purple, who were anything but progrockers). However, the sight and sound of a bunch of middle aged westerners doing sacred American Indian chanting was too much for mortal soul to bear.

Some more detail has also emerged about one of the attendees at Gwyneth’s celebration of loopiness. Miranda Kerr is some supermodel who is so stratospherically super I’d never heard of her**. Being so super has turned her head a bit. She’s a strong advocate of leeches instead of a surgical facelift. She has leeches stuck on her face then removed, and the blood is squeezed out onto her skin and rubbed in. I swear to you I didn’t make that up.

Here’s the even more daffy aspect She alleges the leeches can’t be used more than once, though I suspect that’s a marketing ruse by her dealer. She thought it would be cruel to just kill them. She took pity on them, took them home, and they now live the life of Riley in her koi carp pond.

If any further proof were needed that she’s unhinged, even Gwyneth herself said, ‘And I thought I was batshit crazy.’

*I distinctly heard hackles raising there.

**She’s the Face (and presumably other bits) of Victoria’s Secret, which tell us a lot.

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