Here’s a clever idea. Dan Kurtz, some pointyhead in, I assume, California, has developed an app called Binky. You download it to your phone, and do all the tapping and swiping you expect to find on a social media site. You can Like, re-Bink, make comments, all that stuff. But here’s the thing. It’s all driven by an algorithm that means none of the other users ever gets to see what you said or posted.

The admirable if deranged Mr Kurtz claims he created the app partly as a joke, and partly to comment on the vapidity and nihilism of much of the usage of social media. One of the aims has been ‘…raising awareness of how reflexively (people) open their social media apps.’ This is a subject dear to my heart, as you all know.

But there’s a slightly more sinister side here. That’s that people enjoy browsing and interacting with posts, but find it stressful. People apparently worry about doing and saying the right thing.

Me? I don’t let it bother me. I take the Duke of Wellington approach. There are lots of other things to fret about in this world than whether a bunch of people, many of whom you may have never even met, approve of you. I’ll admit to causing the occasional inadvertent annoyance, but the way I see it is this. Nobody has to read me on any social media platform. They can just block me, the way TFF does when people are horrible to him.

Moving swiftly on. There’s a growing market for alcoholic ice lollies. I find this disturbing because it’s symptomatic of the increasing infantilisation the adult of this world seem to be pursuing. Look at onesies, and the obsession with unicorns.

However, for a copper in the north east, they’re disturbing for another reason. They’re a hazard to drivers who may not realise how much they’ve had. The pushpops (yeah, I know, hideous, yes?) contain up to 4.5% alcohol, as much as a premium lager This, according to Acting Inspector* Harry Simpson, means that ‘It’s easy to lose track and not realise how many you have had.’ In turn this might mean you’d be above the drink/drive limit.

Much as I thoroughly disapprove of drink/drivers, I think we should do some sums here. The lollies roll in at about 60g, which to all intents and purposes is 60 ml. That’s 1/16th of a litre, or about 1/8th of a pint. You end up with a shocking case of ice-cream headache before you had had a significant amount.

I personally wouldn’t be able to countenance even one frozen peach bellini, or G&T, let alone a Prosecco.

*I rather wonder whether he’ll ever get the permanent gig after this.

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