A couple of partly related tales from last week. Since I don’t give advice, you’ll have to make of them what you will. At least you can’t say you weren’t warned.

Firstly, the startling news that 1/3rd of regular gym users have reported (I don’t know to whom) that their activities have harmed relationships they were/are in. I say startling, but it isn’t really, is it?

If you obsess about how many reps* you can do, come home knackered after a marathon circuit training session, then get straight onto Snapchat and Instagram with carefully filtered and Photoshopped images of your finely toned abs, your paramour is going to be pissed off**.

He or she (or even they I suppose if you’re into that sort of thing) is/are going to be racked off because they’re going to get the distinct impression that you care more about you than you do about them. This is pretty much a universal human reaction, and is understandable. Nobody’s too mad about the ‘Me Me Me’ people apart from other ‘Me Me Me’ people. If your paramour is one of those too, then you’re in deep shit anyway.

I freely admit I’m no longer as fit as I’d like to be. Advancing age has robbed me of the ability to do much more than walk a mile. However, in my youth and into middle age I was an avid swimmer. Sometimes I’d go swimming seven days a week. I even did this during the vicious winter of 1962/1963.

I did it not to preen myself, but because I enjoyed swimming. The side effect of that was that I was pretty limber, but that wasn’t the point. I wasn’t trying to impress anybody.

The story about gymgoers came from the i so I’m inclined to believe it at least in part. This next is from the Daily Mail, and you know what I think of that paper. Apparently, 91% of women in a survey by Relate think that snogging somebody else when you’re in a relationship is ‘…as much of a betrayal as cheating on your partner.’

There’s a subheader to the title that states says ‘whatever men say,’ which suggests that those of an xy persuasion are out there playing tonsil hockey with giddy abandonment, but this seems not to be the case.

One in five men don’t see snogging somebody else is a problem. Oh no! The sky is falling! We males are such heartless bastards! Unless you make the stats comparable, and you find that 80% of men do see it as a problem.

That’s not so far off the 90% of women, is it? A small sample size. Skewed sampling could explain that. Bear in mind also that people going to Relate are already in troubled relationships, and the entire survey and the reporting in the Mail is skewed right out of the hat.

*What the hell are they, anyway?

**They’ll be even more pissed off if you consult your Fitbit during sex, assuming you aren’t too knackered to even contemplate the idea.