This is from a while ago, but seems apposite still.

*****

The UK is officially in the grip of a heatwave.  This may seem strange to my fans in Michigan, Minnesota, Colorado, Arizona, anywhere in the deep South, Florida. People from Sri Lanka may take issue with the statement too. Malaysia. Thailand. India. Even Cuba. According to our nanny state governance, a heat wave is a mere two days of temperatures that might exceed 30 Celsius. I regard those conditions as rather pleasant. I’ve barely broken sweat. Apparently it’s because of a phenomenon known as a ‘Spanish Plume.’ Typical of this bloody government to try to put the blame on Johnny Foreigner.

However, the nanny staters have intervened, and released official guidance for dealing with the extreme weather, or as I call it ‘a warm spell.’ Here are some examples, and I do reassure you this is official government guidance.

Open the windows at night and in the cooler parts of the day. Whoever would have thought of that as an idea?

Wear light clothing. Damn, out goes the tweed three piece suit.

Drink lots of cool drinks to stay hydrated. I like this. It gives an excuse to drink lots of cold beer.

Stay out of the sun. Bloody hell. What a genius thought.

Turn off the lights, since they generate heat. It’s sunny outside. Why the hell would I have the lights on? Oh, might it be because I have been told to close the curtains?

Just who employs these idiots? I’ll tell you. I do. I pay taxes every day to have stuff like this generated and then, worse, rammed down my throat by the ‘free press’ we rightly treasure here, but I then have to pay for again when I buy a newspaper.

Talk about making glaring statements of the bleeding obvious.

Advertisements