Sunday again. Where has the week gone? Anyway, another short one.

The summer hols are upon us in the UK, and as per usual the killjoys are popping out of the woodwork to try and ensure people have a really miserable time when we go away. Here’s what the Times was banging on about this week.

Swimming Only swim from beaches with a flag warning system, and don’t swim when the red flags are aflutter. No kidding? Red means danger? Whodathunkit? There’s also the complicating factor that outside of Europe there’s often no flagging system. No lifeguards either, and if there are they’re often asleep in my experience.

Don’t fall off a balcony while pissed Allegedly we Brits are good at this, which is just as well because the Toffs are doing their best to make sure we don’t lead the world in any other fashion. The thing is you can get pissed and fall off a balcony at home, so why spend all that money to go abroad? Buy British, I say.

Mopeds/quad bikes These are dangerous. Again, no shit, Sherlock. There is one snippet of useful info here, and that is that many travel insurers won’t cover you if you crash and injure yourself. In the meantime, the exhortation to ‘join an organised group’ takes away all the fun, doesn’t it?

Jet skis These are the work of Satan, apparently. If you really don’t get that these things will kill you* as soon as look at you, then you’re in the running for a Darwin Award.

No doubt the yearly warnings about avoiding sunburn will appear. The people who avoid sunburn would have done it anyway, and the ones who need the advice don’t read, or don’t pay any attention. Same with the ‘drink alcohol in moderation.’ Just about nobody pays attention to that one. It’s a holiday, remember?

Bon voyage.

*Or an innocent non-combatant. Killing yourself is your own remit. Killing somebody else is a very different kettle of fish indeed.