Please welcome Tiggy. Tiggy is a moggie from Bilston in the West Midlands. He’s a very clean cat. We know this because he did the classic cat thing of being an idiot and going where he shouldn’t, in this case the washing machine of his ‘owner’ Rae Sutton. Ms Sutton didn’t realise the cat was a prat*, and dutifully stuck the washer on for a 30 minute cycle.

The story has a happy ending. When Ms Sutton hoiked the stupid bugger out at the end of the cycle, she sat down and gave him mouth to mog resuscitation, and massaged him till he did the ‘cough and wakeup’ thing. Rae and husband John took daft beggar to a local vet. There the cat received oxygen, and within a couple of hours was good to go. He’s at home again now.

His minder has said, ‘He’s grounded from now on. I’m not letting him out of my sight again.’ Well, good luck with that. This is a cat we’re talking about here, and one that has already shown quite a lot of form by surviving being, among other things, spin dried.

In doing this, he did rather better than a cat who owned a friend of mine some years ago. He was as daft as the rest of his race, and unwisely climbed into the tumble dryer that his servant owned. I am sad to have to tell you he didn’t survive that little escapade.

His servant was understandably distressed at having fatally tumbleried her furry companion, and unfortunately her dismay was not helped by her friends in her local pub. For many weeks they (and I, sorry to say) frequently imitated a rotating cat seen through the glass door of the domestic appliance.

Cats can be amazingly dumb. My ex partner had a cat that loved to lie on the white lines in the road. He was called Persil. Guess what colour he was? Yes, you got it in one.

*Dr Seuss’s original title for The Cat In The Hat. It was rejected by his publishers.