There’s a working rule in the history of cinema that when a film is successful, you have to bugger about with sequels, and these are generally rubbish. Not always true of course. The first three Star Wars films were splendid*, largely because they were always planned as a trilogy. The Die Hard franchise always delivered what it said on the tin. The first three Alien films were bloody brilliant, but then Resurrection was cack.

Another sort of partial exception is the Terminator franchise. The original was genuinely spooky and made you squirm with fear, while at the same time not taking itself too seriously. Terminator 2 was just as engaging, with a bigger budget and with James Cameron going to town with the CGI he originally developed for The Abyss. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was bloody fantastic, not least because Clare Danes was as hot as Hades and a thoroughly convincing kickarse.

Then it all went wrong, didn’t it? Terminator Salvation had all the hallmarks of a cash cow being milked for all it’s worth. Even Christian Bale couldn’t get that turkey to fly. I thought that was bad enough, but alas things went from bad to atrocious with Terminator Genisys. This is a stinker of a film I caught a couple of nights ago.

It has no redeeming features except when Arnie puts in what amounts to little more than an ironic cameo. Apart from that it sucks bigly. The casting for Sarah Connor is bad, ditto the casting for Kyle Rees and John Connor. Hopeless. You don’t know who are the goodies and who are the baddies because the plot has so many gaps in it. The scripting is beyond poor, the acting is wooden, the direction is something that would get you chucked out of film school.

And how many more times will the transporter from Contact be resurrected? It’s like a bloody zombie that thing. It won’t lie down and die. Event Horizon** dragged it out of retirement back in the late 90s, and it’s still alive and kicking.

I can’t truly tell you how bad Genisys is, since I’ll run out of superlatives. If you want to see for yourselves, then go right ahead. But be warned. It’s two and a half hours of your life you’re not getting back.

And how did Matt Smith get involved in this steaming pile of ordure? They must have paid him a lot is all I can conjecture.

*The first three ‘prequels’ were so dismal as to be pretty well unwatchable. I can’t comment on the more recent ones, since I was too dispirited to go to the cinema to see them.

**Once of the most pointless wastes of acting talents of all time.