You may not remember Lavinia Woodward. She got pissed back in 2017 and stabbed her then boyfriend with a breadknife. When she was sentenced last September, she got 10 months suspended for 18 months. This was because the judge dishing out the sentence was a fuckwit, and took into account her ‘promise’ as a medical student attending Oxford. He even gave her four months to stay out of trouble before handing down this laughable excuse of a punishment.

You or I would be in the slammer before our feet touched the floor, and if we happened to be black we’d be in chokey for a good long while. The fragrant Lavinia is as WASPy as all get out, and a woman to boot. Where her promising career comes into it is anybody’s guess.

However, Ms Woodward challenged her sentence at the Court of Appeal on Friday, with her huckster lawyers arguing ‘exceptional’ circumstances partly related to mental health difficulties. They were angling for conditional discharge, or even a fine. Bear in mind that over half the population in Holloway Prison have very significant mental health problems, but they are largely from the lower orders, and a great number are black.

Let’s just recap here. She attacked somebody with a bread knife. She wants to train to be a surgeon. Would you want her anywhere near you with anything sharp? I’m buggered if I would. It may not be an issue, though, because James Sturman QC told the court that the suspended sentence has ‘affected her ability to find work.’ Poor wee mite.

A character witness from her former professor at Oxford said she had been the most talented undergraduate who had ever been in his laboratory in 25 years. Well I don’t care. She stabbed somebody, and got off lightly. You can go to clink for not paying your Council Tax, let alone harmful wounding.

The Appeal Court judge agreed with me and gave her and her (no doubt expensive) legal team a collective flea in their ears. Let’s have a big hand Judge Johannah Cutts. Great name if you think about it.

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