This is a pejorative term that Susan is wont to use frequently. In this case I’m tempted to use my more usual term of abuse, ‘wanker.’ See what you think.

You may have heard of the megastar vlogger Zoella. I try to avoid her like the plague, in case I break something. She and her partner have made a fortune out of vlogging what they bought in Boots today, or showing them putting makeup on each other. That in itself should raise some warning flags about him, and her*.

Here’s what Alfie Reyes, for it is he, set out to do. He set out to show you could live on a quid a day. Even Odious never had the fucking audacity to say that was feasible, which is just as well for all of us on low incomes.

Here’s the rub. He cheated. On camera. In front of several million followers. If you’re going to be a tit, do it with style.

First out of the hat, he moaned he couldn’t have a cup of coffee before going for a workout with his personal trainer. Eh? Then his dismay at not having a protein shake**. Then he complained he was having to drink filtered water instead of his preferred bottled water**, the poor wee dote. Beset on all sides by first world problems.

So despondent was he that he had to go on a clothes shopping spree. Oh, and he bought a beard comb. Olympic level tittery, wouldn’t you say? I expect that by now you’re as mystified as I was. Here’s his thinking, if you can call it that. The quid a day only applied to food and drink. Not petrol. Not clothes. Presumably not his personal trainer, either, though that guy may do it as a freebie to get dragged along with Alfie’s fame/infamy.

He reached a point of such distress he posted, ‘I’ve kind of just hit a wall and I’m putting off leaving the house because I know it’s going to suck going to try to get food.’

Even then he cheated, looking online for free vouchers. Luckily for him, the guy who ran the donut shop where he tried to chop one in recognised him and gave him an entire tray of them. Then he went to Waitrose, where all the best hoboes hang out. Free coffee and some discounted pains au chocolat. A late trip to Tesco’s bargain bins and he ended the day with 7p in his pocket, which he magnanimously donated to charity.

He got absolutely taken to the cleaners on social media. Then he compounded things by claiming he didn’t realise he’d cause such a lot of offence.

Is this man a tit, or a wanker? You decide. I’d put up a poll, but WP has gone all miserly on me, and on my free style the poll option has vanished.

*By the way, they live in a £1.7m pile in Brighton.

**That automatically elevates him to at least a tit

***He’s clearly not a big fan of Sir David Attenborough’s output, is he?

Advertisements