You know me and statistics. I love them, even when they’re clearly spurious, because then I can wade in with my big boots and kick the shit out of things.

I’m inclined to believe this, since the key source is the BBC, and generally I trust the Beeb. There was a documentary about Oslo. I’ve never been to Norway, since I reckon there’d be a pretty fast feeling I’d OD’d on fjords. Never been to Oslo, either, obviously. But I might like the place, Oslo.

Population is about 634,000. Biggish, not huge, so might be my kind of place, though I don’t do cities any more. I’ve been to Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, New York, Cairo, New York. I liked them then, but they are my idea of purgatory now. I hate London.

Sorry, got sidetracked, but you know how I work. Back to Oslo. Not a big population, but guess what? Guess how many hotdogs they eat per year. Go on. Give it your best shot. I’ll wait.

I’ll put you out of your misery, and this is a figure even New York might not get to. 450,000,000. That’s one hell of a lot of hotdogs per person, isn’t it? Do some sums. Two thirds of a million people, divide into 450,000,000. Pushing 1000 per person per year. That is a lot. Twenty a week for everybody. I doubt even the Big Apple can claim that, and there’s a dog stand on every corner.

In Oslo, the dogs are not quite conventional, nor are the vendors. Yes, you get a sort of wiener, but the stallholders make their own. They grow their own onions. They make their own mustard. They make their own ketchup FFS.

They grow their own potatoes. Why? Not for fries. A proper hotdog there includes mashed potato. How cool is that. It’s like wurst und kartoffel in a bun. Except it’s not in a bun. They use tortilla sort of things. One underneath, pile in the contents, another on top, roll it up. Most of them make their own tortillas too.

And I always thought Norway was dull, stolid, worthy but uninteresting. This is a really wacky aspect of the place. If I still ate a lot of meat* I’d be sorely tempted by those hotdogs.

*If any.