Here’s a thing for you. I don’t know any woman who’ll admit to snoring. Now, I know I snore, and I admit it. I don’t sleep on my back, because that means I’ll wake myself up, and given how little I sleep anyway, that’s not a good thing at all. Though at least if I’m snoring, I’m breathing and not suffering from sleep apnoea. Look on the bright side.

I’ve slept with a lot of women, though had sex with a much smaller number. Many times my role was simply to be a warm body/footwarmer, and provide reassurance. And every woman, every single one, snored.

This varied in intensity. One or two simply snuffled a bit. Then there’s that odd one where you lose control of your lips and make those plosives. Generally, they’re a ‘p’ sound, but I have heard the occasional ‘b’ sound.

Then there’s the ‘gentle buzzsaw’ where it sounds like a cartoon snore, ‘zzzzzzzzzzz.’ The ‘Popeye’s nephews’ snore that involves a whistle. Not sure how that works, but it’s mildly amusing until it gets irritating and stops me sleeping.

The full-on Stentor isn’t as rare as you might think, either. One of the smallest women I know did that when she was pissed; the volume was impressive. Another woman, whom you can’t describe as small by any means. She could rattle your double glazing. She also had a tendency to suffer from parasomnia, and this manifested itself in her sleep walking. I once found her downstairs in the living room, drinking a cup of tea she’d made while fast asleep.