Here’s something trying to get some traction in the UK. I find it even more pathetic than Goop. A first world solution looking for a problem that really does not exist. But you can rip people off on a grand scale. I wish I’d thought of this. People with no thought processes are fair game. Their own enemies. Money mines.

There’s a new website, tails.com. It’s there to exploit the general dedication of dog owners to their beloved pooches. Here’s the deal. You go onto the site, and put in some details about your dog. Big/medium size/ small? Longhaired/short haired/smooth coat? Underweight/correct weight/overweight? Active? Beef/chicken/lamb/pork? What sort of vegetables does it like?

When you’ve done all that, tails.com will custom design the correct food for your dog, then deliver it to you. It’s a canine version of those posh foodboxes that are so fashionable these days, but you’re all smart and can see a couple of things here.

If owners really believe that the food is tailored specifically to their dog, I’d advise caution. How do you know? It’s as bad as those ancestry.com sites that tell you you’re half Viking and half Peruvian. They can tell you any load of old socks they want, and you’d be none the wiser. With the dogfood, it could be normal dogfood with some peas and carrots thrown in with some Winalot. How do you know for sure that it’s bespoke? Even if it is, how do you know it’s correctly bespoke?

Unlike cats, dogs aren’t particularly pickie eaters. Moses once ate a rotting koi carp that had been dropped by a heron. It made him ill, but he ate it. Dogs don’t need bespoke food. They’re are happy with a bowl of the bits of a cow that even burger manufacturers won’t use, or the bits of a pig you wouldn’t dare put in sausages. A bunch of butchers’ trimmings and the vegetables you didn’t eat all of for dinner, and they’re happy as Larry.

There’s a lot of money in pets, and if you doubt me look at your last vet’s bill. And it’s the money that makes me deeply suspicious. There’s a lot being spent on advertising by tails.com. I think they’re seeing a gap in the gullibility market.