I have a gentle regard for people who are gently wacked. Gentle wackos amuse me, frustrate me. Anybody with a tinfoil hat will make me smile. People who think the Antarctic doesn’t exist, it’s a wall of ice maintained by NASA scientists. The guy trying to get 500,000 people to invade Area 51 (‘They can’t kill all of us!’) to locate the Roswell Alien. Loopy is good, though if you’re a clean eater make sure you don’t end up in hospital with vitamin, mineral, and nutrient deficiencies. It happens.

I know a lot of vegans, and I rather like them, but they’re the ones who don’t proselytise and deliver sanctimonious lectures.

Less good are the real fucking weirdo wackjobs. PETA springs to mind. An organisation that sanctions violence against humans, reckons a dairy farmer’s children ‘deserve to get cancer,’ who firebomb the houses of people involved in animal research. Humans don’t count, then? Not in The World According To PETA they don’t.

In contrast to PETA and pious vegans, I encountered a new bunch of wackos the other day, and they really are bonkers. I refer to the self-styled ‘carni-crew.’ Their basic tenet is that humans are designed and equipped to live solely on raw meat. Not too surprisingly, a lot of the adherents are flat-earthers, creationists, 9/11 conpiracy theorists, have some firm views about Lee Harvey Oswald and JFK.

The leader of this ad hoc collective was a plant-based diet enthusiast till he discovered he was suffering from ‘vegan degeneration,’ whatever the fuck that is. The group believe that ‘vegetables are toxic and claims to the contrary are being perpetuated by a clandestine elite intent on subduing humanity.’ That’s a right belter of a conspiracy, isn’t it?

Further, ‘Grain based diets cause cancer.’ And, ‘If you see blood, liver, and brains and son’t find these foods appetising, you’re mentally ill and have been indoctrinated.’ Wow! How stupid of me not to have realised!

They claim to be a growing movement, with 75,000 YouTube Followers. There are about 750,000 vegans/vegetarians/flexitarians* in the UK alone, 750,001 if you count me. I’d say the carni-crew is a bit outgunned, and probably they didn’t advance their cause when their leader ate a raw pig’s head at Brighton’s annual Vegfest.

Break out the tinfoil hats and KoolAid.

*Horrible neologism.