For the purposes of argument we can discount blokes who can only communicate by shouting the word ‘c***’, and any gaggle of women where the Prosecco cackle has kicked in. Let’s just consider tedium, the ‘Do you really find yourself that interesting?’ people.
I was discussing this concept a day or so ago with a couple of friends. We all agreed that estate agents and property developers are very high up the irritation pecking order. This was mildly surprising because one is an estate agent, and one is a property developer, but they both acknowledged that both species can a royal pain in the arse.
Then we took to straying a bit. I have a personal aversion to ‘life coaches.’ I hear the dreaded phrase ‘enhancing potential,’ and I shut down. Potential is already there, so you can’t really enhance it. You might help people realise their potential, but that’s a very different concept. Incidentally, the word ‘enhance’ makes my teeth itch a bit. How about ‘improve?’ ‘Increase?’ Either of those is preferable.
Personal trainers. Boy are they dull, because they’re so up themselves, and, like dive instructors, strut about as if they own the planet. You can do some curls, people. You are not Masters of the Universe.
All three of us agreed that financial advisors/consultants are a pretty low form of life. Boy, can they witter on. It may be your job, but nobody else in the pub gives a rat’s arse, they really don’t.
Wedding parties having a stoke up on the way to the service. They’re tedious, not least because I don’t think it’s a suitable platform to voice your political opinions (of whatever shade) at max volume. You may feel it’s amusing to sneer at a politician not of your creed when nobody is going to answer you back. It’s not big, and it’s not clever, and it’s not funny.
Hmm. Oh yes, anybody banging on about the capabilities of their latest smartphone. Either people are like me, and don’t want to do anything but make a call or send a text, or they already have all the apps and abilities already. Does anybody really need a phone you can bend in half? How is that an improvement on the old clamshell phones of the 80s?
Anybody who is a sales rep and feels that the world is agog to hear the best way to get from Godalming to Basingstoke. We don’t care because we know that for you it involves tailgating with your headlights on full beam. You’re a nobhead, just admit it.
We also agreed that there’s somebody who should annoy us, but he doesn’t. He’s minted, sounds horribly posh, and his surname if ‘Farquhar,’ which we have corrupted to ‘Foie gras.’ He epitomises a lot of things I dislike, but I genuinely like the man. Our politics, our outlooks, I might even say beliefs, are diametrically opposed, but I do like him despite that. He thinks I’m a Trot, I think he’s a bloated capitalist, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes if he’s up a gumtree he asks me for some guidance because I come at things differently from him.
That’s good, isn’t it?