I have a bit of a thing about buying prepared vegetables. I don’t. Although, living solo as I do, I can see the point of prepared salads, but I have to balance the lack of waste food against the packaging… A dilemma.

Packs of chopped onions? Hmm. Seems to be a bit of a millennial thing, and I can say that because at some point some numbnuts will go ‘OK Boomer,’ and I’ll be fistpunching the air.

How do we all feel about pre-peeled garlic? This is another millennial phenomenon. I get the idea that ‘Life is too short to peel a mushroom,’ but there’s a way round that. Don’t peel the damned things. No sane grownup ever peeled a mushroom. But garlic? You can’t be arsed to peel a garlic clove? You idle slacker you.

Things reached feverpitch over the weekend for me. I discovered to my surprise, not to mention horror, disbelief, and disgust, that Marks and Sparks sell packs of pre-peeled and sliced potatoes. Yes, I’m afraid it’s a true phenomenon. There are people out there so fucking lazy they won’t prepare their own sodding potatoes. Gawdelpus.

Two things. One, who peels potatoes? A lot of the nutrients are in the skins, so don’t chuck them away, and don’t buy from an industry that throws them away. If you’re a gardener you’ll be buying them back next year in your bags of compost.

Two. Just how hard is it to slice, or cube, or wedge, a potato? Just how long will that keep you off Instagram, you narcissistic poser? Is your FOMO so strong you can’t even be bothered to prepare a potato?

I was also horrified to learn of an outfit called Fresh. It’s a bit like Amazon, but what you do is put in an order, and a courier turns up with a big cardboard box with all the ingredients to prepare a meal, with a recipe card

Two things here, too. One, if all you ever do is slavishly follow a recipe, you’re not cooking, you’re catering. You need to work out what you like, what you might change. Try following Chinese recipes. You soon learn they’re little more than guidelines.

Two. You don’t need some man in a van to deliver your ingredients. In the UK we have these great things called corner shops, and markets, and even (whisper this) supermarkets. You’re just being bone idle.

Fresh claim their ingredients are ‘perfectly selected.’ Oh really? Perfect by whose standards, exactly? I, for example, like my bananas to be a bit freckly, not pristine yellow. Then if you have some tomatoes that aren’t properly ripe yet, shove them in a paper bag (not plastic) with a brown banana overnight.