It’s a year now. Bugger me. Think you had a bad year? Not as bad as mine, I have to say. This all happened.


I have, as I suspected, oral cancer. It’s an SCC, aggressively invasive once it gets a hold, and it has. This one is poorly differentiated, which is very bad news indeed.
That’s the diagnosis. Treatment? This ain’t too good, I have to say.
Hemiglossectomy. They’re going to have to remove half my tongue. Yes, really. This will affect my speech, my eating, my swallowing.
Dissection of neck (probably both sides) to remove some of the glands. This should leave me with a stylish ear to ear scar.
I’m going to have to have all the teeth on the left removed to allow for some manoeuvring room during the operation, so I’ll be restricted to very soft boiled eggs and bread in milk
There’s other crap as well.
Nasogastric feeding, at least at the start.
Did I mention a tracheostomy? No? How negligent of me.
All the possible complications of a general anaesthetic, none of which is an increase in sex drive or potency.

Now the kicker. Four to six weeks of radiotherapy. What a delightful prospect that is. At least the idea of avoiding transmitting infection is now engrained in the population.

There you have it. Or rather I do.
Sucks, huh?

This may mean I may not be quite as prolific as I normally am. However, should you feel moved to facetiousness and lack of gravity, please feel free. I’ll be doing serious for all of us, but masking with my usual acerbic wit.