nobodysreadingme

I was in a watering hole over the weekend, and there was a quartet of women getting stuck into the gin, having clearly been on the sauce before arrival. They were at the loud stage that presages the raucous cackly stage before the shrieky stage. I said to the barman, ‘This is going to get noisy.’

‘It’s going to get funny.’

‘Tell you what, there’s an awful lot of collagen around that table.’

‘You’re not wrong there. I had collagen in my lips once. It resorbs quite quickly, so that lot over there must keep on going back.’

‘Wait. What? You had collagen implants in your lips?’

‘Yeah. And I had some to accent my cheekbones.’

‘Errm. Why?’

‘My ex fiancée was a beautician. She needed some practice when she was training, and I was the testbed.’

‘Jeepers.’

‘I can also tell you from bitter experience that there are places…

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