How to wonder what they mean? I really DO NOT get these advertisements.

‘It may cost over 4000 pounds!*’ That is allegedly the going rate for a funeral. Oh do fuck off.

Yes, unless you go for the cheap option, the low-risk choice. Your council in the UK is OBLIGED to bury you or cremate you at the cost of a pot of money they’ve set aside for such things. Next!

‘That will cover the mortgage.’

Advertisement for a scheme for people with no cover when you don’t have any. ‘Just six pounds a month!’

Wait a second. Just hand off a moment. Gimme some slack.

Nobody, NOBODY, not EVER, ever offers and confirms a mortgage with no assurance. Not ever. They want evidence they are not going to be quids out if you die. I don’t blame them. Thousands, MILLIONS, GAZILLIONS,  of pounds, dollars (all totally imaginary, by the way), they’re already running a (very profitable, yet low) risk. They impose, without exception, an add-on for the insurance should you snuff it before end of loan term. You cannot easily in the UK alter this. It’s an absolute given. You can weasel around, but realistically, it’s a lot of faffing time wasting, maybe just roll with it for the few quid you can save. Six quid a month? Sandwich and a coffee. So?  Big deal. Your choice. Meh. Like hell it is.

‘That’ll pay off the mortgage.’ No it won’t. Your lender, with your permission, your express sanction, you signed on the dotted line, you made sure the lender would not be out of pocket if you peg out early. You’ve been paying since before the ink was dry.

Fine and dandy. That’s the way it works. Life and all that crap. BUT do NOT try to tug my heartstrings with a problem that does not exist.

If I live in a four wall, one roof mud-dried brick shack, where the only furniture is a table, and I am the only thing between my family and abject penury and starvation, I’ll listen. Otherwise, stop trying to fleece the gullible.

Shame on all your houses. And I look forward to the sudden surge in ‘Death by accident ‘ payouts. Me? I’d have the partner/spouse in the frame right out of the traps.

*This figure varies according to broker and advertising agency. Some claim 5000+.