How to sponsor a polar bear?

Don’t bother.

I’m a big fan of polar bears. I’ve blogged about them frequently. My kinda critters. Bloody huge, relentlessly fast, ruthlessly voracious killers. Seriously, do not fuck about with a polar bear. Just do not fuck about with a polar bear. You are on a hiding to nothing apart from imminent death.

 Even if you manage to kill one, if you eat its liver, that will come back and bite you in the arse, because you are going to die. Polar bear liver is extraordinarily, majestically, ridiculously toxic. You’ll get a huge overdose of vitamin A. This is toxic, and polar bears sequester it in the liver. They’re also really good at sequestering heavy metals. Particularly cadmium. That’s not one of your five a day. It really isn’t.

Now back to the point. Polar bears are under threat because their habitat is being eroded. I’m dismayed by this. The sea ice they rely on for hunting (though they have been seen swimming 300 miles from land, yes, really, they have) is disappearing.

Now that is a bummer, a real concern, certainly. But do you really believe your two quid a month is going to alter things? REALLY?  What do you think it’s going to do? Stop global warming? I doubt that. I doubt that very much. Completely, to be accurate.

You are being ripped off. You are being ripped off! Got it yet? Your monthly two quid will not make a shred of difference except to the coffers of the ripoff artists involved here. Two quid makes a difference to global warming? Get real, will you?

Want to make a difference? Turn down your aircon in the summer. Turn your heating down in the winter. Cold? Put a jumper on. Better, cuddle up with somebody. That’s a great way of keeping warm.