Awkward but flattering. This gathered both concepts into a great big furball that was hard to hoik up.

It goes back a couple of years. And you know me, dumb as a bag of wet mice. I’m generally perceptive, but boy, I can miss things if they come in sideways. I had no bloody idea. Not a clue.

Having a drink and conversation with a woman I really like a LOT. Intelligent, clever, smart, funny. And horribly attractive.

Then it went a bit ‘Whoops Apocalypse’


‘That’s me.’

‘Have you ever noticed I’m a woman?’

‘Hard to miss really. You are bloody hot at a lot of levels. You’ve got it all. And you have that elegant poise You are really quite remarkably stupidly attractive.’

‘How come you have never made a pass at me then? Loads of blokes have had a go.’

‘One. I’m twice your age, plus a bit, like another 10 years more. Two. You are as gay as a daffodil. That’s OK. I don’t care. Nothing to do with me, is it?’

She frowned a bit, looked down. ‘I might not be. Not entirely. Not with you, funny enough.’

Now I was way way out of my depth.

‘So, what, if I made a pass at you, a dyed in the wool lesbian, I’d still be in with a shout despite the massively embarrassing age difference? And I’m a man?’

‘Don’t know. But you’re really intelligent. I like that, because you never feel threatened by my intelligence. Blokey blokes want me to shut up so they don’t feel stupid. Though they are. Obviously.’

‘But I’m a million years older than you are!’

‘Only numbers. You’ve still got a pulse, I suspect. You’re one of the only blokes I know, maybe the only one, who wouldn’t offend me.’

‘But you’re gay. I wouldn’t.’

‘That’s why. I feel safe around you, you’re no perv, and I might just take a bit of a gamble.’

‘WHAT? With ME?’

‘Why not? I can think of a LOT of worse blokes.. Lots worse women too.’

I had to sit back and digest that.

Did we? No.

Don’t think I didn’t want to. But it wouldn’t have been right.