I’m back to the irritation I feel when I see really crap and/or gibberish advertisements, particularly when they sneak up on me when I’m sleep deprived.

Just about every haircare product raves these days about argan oil. I may have mentioned this before, but it still exercises me.

Anyway, one brand of overpriced glop has gone one further, the ads really go to 11. This stuff doesn’t just contain argan oil. Oh no. This is ‘Kew Approved.’ I assume that refers to Kew Gardens, and hence to the Royal Botanic Society. I find it frankly unlikely that any of the august members tracked all the way to Morocco, the only source of argan oil, at the behest of a hair product manufacturer.

The claim is also that this argan oil is ‘legitimate.’ What  the hell is that supposed to mean?

Then the even more spurious meant to tempt the gullible. ‘Nourishes your hair.’ No it doesn’t. Hair is dead. You can’t nourish something that’s dead, can you? As for the claim ‘Twice as soft,’ compared with what?

I pointed out the way you can’t nourish something that’s dead out somewhere else, and of course a smartarse popped out of the woodwork. ‘The ubiquity of leather negates your argument.’ Well, I wasn’t taking that lying down.

‘You can’t nourish leather, it’s as dead as something really very dead indeed. You can soften it and waterproof it*, but you can’t nourish it. If your boots are a bit tight and stiff, and you put something on them, and they give your feet a bit more room, you haven’t nourished the dead leather. Think about it. They kill a cow, skin it, and send the hide off to a tannery. There they scrape off the only possible bit that might be alive and nourishable. Then the hide goes through a lengthy tanning process, which involves some pretty toxic chemicals. Then the leather gets sent to whoever is going to make your boots or belt, or a handbag or satchel It’s not been anywhere near anything live in weeks. It’s dead, and unless you believe in bovine resurrection you can’t nourish it.’

I haven’t heard back yet, but I expect a spirited defence.

*With, for example dubbin, but some of my survivalist friends might opt for something more macho such as tallow or whale oil.