Bit of a perennial this. Since I’m pretty well confined to barracks, partly the vertigo, partly the Covid and arseholes who won’t wear a mask in shops or the bank, the only places I visit, I spend a lot of time dickering around on my laptop. While doing this, I often have the television on in the background. You, or rather I, can get to see some interesting stuff you might not ordinarily be drawn to.

The downside here, as I’ve said before, is you get exposed to some of the shoddiest advertising the World has ever seen . Let me start with the one (or one of them) that really gets on my tits. There’s an ad for some beer or other (I’m guessing it’s American) with a guy in swimming trunks and goggles swimming UP the snow on some desolate mountain. What is that about? I sort of assume it’s to illustrate how refreshing the beer is, and that’s why I assume this is an American beer ad. The bit where he leaps out of the snow like a dolphin is particularly irksome, and the thing is I don’t know what beer is being advertised, and if I did know I’d not buy it on principle.

Lots of ads around at the moment for fixed rate cremations. ‘Company X has lovely crematoria..’ Who cares? You don’t attend anyway. ‘… and will deliver your loved ones ashes to you.’ That’s a job that’s not going to cut the mustard on a CV for a job application.

By the way, one of these ads features a man saying ‘And my lot know how to party!’ Not on a single bottle of fizz and a jug of orange juice they don’t.

The annoying KFC ads with the two pseudo-gansta homeboys strutting away with their lower halves turned into cartoon chicken legs. It’s not big, and it’s not clever, and it’s not even funny. Even if I ate meat, KFC would be off my wish list, as would the pizza company with the yodelling homeboy, which has sadly re-emerged.

Any and ALL 0f those irritating corporate car ads where the cars are LHD and drive with foreign numberplates on the RHS of the road. There’s even one where the couple in the car (she’s driving, of course, in the interests of equality) are photovideoshop grafted into what is clearly a corporate LHD ad, yet canoodle in English.

‘We will beat cancer.’ Shameless heartstring tugging. No we won’t, because it’s not a single entity. Humans suffer over 220 different forms of cancer, affecting just about every organ and tissue you can think of. Including bone marrow, hence some of the blood dyscrasias.

Any and all of the prevalent ads for car suppliers where the drivers and passengers burst into spontaneous song. They’re irritating.

The Peloton ads continue to annoy me, by the way.

Now an honourable mention. Cadbury’s Dairy Milk are running some very effective ads at the moment. Must be effective if I, who doesn’t even like chocolate, know what they’re for. I really like the one with the little boy on the bus offering a sobbing distraught girl teenager a piece of his chocolate bar.

Actually, I could take a guess at the ad agency behind these low cost and effective little gems. Oh wait. I just checked. I was sort of half right.