I’m taking a leaf out of the Goop marketing manual here. The one that says, ‘People with a stack of money and no sense at all will buy anything.’ Loads of cash and a need to show off, since they have no meaning at all in their lives but conspicuous consumption.

I’ve had a brainwave. This could be a winner to fleece the weak minded. Really take them to the cleaners. You can, if you wish to, buy designer dog food, tailored to your dog’s exact requirements. What? Similarly for catfood. Designer catfood? Eh?

Now my niche market. Given the marketplace, things have been missed. Here’s my idea. Designer fishtank food.

After the radiotherapy, I have chronic ongoing rheumy eyes. Imagine permanent conjunctivitis. Twenty four hours a day hayfever. Sort of. Anyway, that means I get huge accumulations of grot in my outer and inner canthi. In simple terms, that means the Sandman is here on a daylong basis. And even nightlong. Lots of clag.

It can take a lot of buggering about to get rid this junk, and it goes in the bin or down the toilet. But then

Sandman leavebehinds are a lot of salt. But the stuff binding it into clinkers are protein and lipids from the lachrymal fluid. Nutrient rich, if you’re a dumbell pet owner. And pet owners can be very dumb. Let’s cash in. Why not?

DESIGNER FISHFOOD! What a great Goop concept!

Rock’n’roll! Easily ingestible, full of goodness for your fishie!

Then maybe a high-energy version, reinforced with my own earwax. That’s a real niche market, eh?