Sunday shortie, sort of, but some lightish relief from the shenanigans in the UK political scene (Boris? Your party chairman jumps ship, as does YOUR ethics adviser. The second ethics adviser in 18 months? You lose two seats in previous landslide by-elections. Are there some messages here?) and the foul, sexist, religiously driven, utterly despicable SCOTUS ruling on Roe vs Wade.

A bit of levity may be in order.

First up, a real bad day at the office. A real, ‘Why did I bother to even fucking get up, FFS?’ day. Archaeologists in Pompeii recently found the remains of a pregnant tortoise, with its egg also neatly fossilised. Here’s the thing. The tortoise probably, they think (Danger Will Robinson! Danger!) crept into the ruins of Pompeii for shelter some time after the city was destroyed by an earthquake in 62 AD. Good thinking. As I have mentioned, Testudinae are pretty crafty. ‘Hey! This should be safe, yeah? Rock’n’roll!’

The 6” Hermann’s tortoise wasn’t prescient, or was simply unlucky. It entered the ruins, then ‘Oh bollocks! What was that bloody big bang?’ It was Vesuvius letting go in about AD 79. That’s a bad day at the office, isn’t it? ‘Hey, I’m safe because I am the coolest tortoise in the whole fuckin’ universe! Wait? What was that noise?’

I was oddly saddened by this. I like tortoises.

Then this salutary tale from Amagasaki. You’ll guess, quite rightly, this is a city in Japan. It sounds more like London, where MI5 routinely lose laptops and data sticks and CD drives on the train and underground networks.

The Mayor of this city in Japan (unnamed) took a memory stick home with him. Then he went out on the lash. I can tell you Japanese people aren’t very good at drinking*, but to their credit that doesn’t stop them trying, and they try very hard indeed.

Anyway, mateyboy in Amagasaki went out drinking and went for it very big time indeed. He woke up in the street. Even I have never done that, though I did once have a brief one night stand with a privet hedge. Anyway woke up in the street and his bag, and a data stick, were missing. The stick contained personal details of some 500,000 people. Details included names, birthdates, tax details, bank account numbers…

A promising career for this ex-mayor awaits in MI5.

*I am not being racist, they are genetically not very well equipped for metabolising alcohol. They get shitfaced very quickly.