About nobodysreadingme-a user’s guide

My name’s Duncan, and I’m a lot older than I think. I’m due a bus pass.

First things first. Some of the things I write are in very questionable taste. Not obscene or blasphemous or deliberately offensive, just in poor taste. Where necessary,  I flag this in the Post or Page. If you get the hump about something I’ve written, hard cheese; you can’t say you weren’t warned, can you?

This is a pretty eclectic collection of stuff I write. You’ll find chunks of a novel that’s a work in progress (any page headed Charlie and Me fits into this category), some short stories, some tentative character developments, some bits where I’m just ranting, some observational stuff.

There are clairvoyants, bricklayers, Gangnam stars, idiots, prejudices (including mine), female drag racers, literary editors, earnest but incompetent DIYers, cats, vets, Russian acupuncturists, French pharmacologists, Kim Kardashian (just the once, honest) James Dean, peacocks. A NASCAR driver who writes haikus. There’s even a stoned hummingbird

I could go on, but you may have more fun just poking about. Though you may find this process a bit hit and miss, since I rarely include internal links. Some of my Posts include references to some of my Pages, but there may be no link; you have to find things for yourself.

If you’re short of time, I can recommend that you enter ‘urban warrior’ in the Search box. Lots of funny stuff there, including quite a lot about polar bears. And Mexicans. There’s another good search term

What you won’t find, in general, is anything serious; I don’t write serious stuff very often. Some, but not a lot. When I do, it’s meant to sting.

So have fun, and if you like what I write, tell your friends. My site stats are looking a bit thin just now. If you don’t like what I put up, then let me know too. I’ll ignore you, but it may make you feel less irate, which will be good for your blood pressure.

I’ve had quite a lot of stories published online. The ones on http://www.wattpad.com/ are free to access and can be read online.  The ones on http://www.etherbooks.com/ are nearly all free, but you do need to download an app for your phone (Apple and Android are supported) and then actually download the stories. Both of those sites have a pretty eclectic mix of themes and genres on them, so again you’re unlikely to be bored

I have another blog at http://messingaboutinthekitchen.wordpress.com/

If you like food, check it out. It’ll do my site stats no end of good too.

Before I forget, unless I reblog something or attribute something to someone else, everything on here is © Duncan Swallow, nobodysreadingme, NRM, or messingaboutinthekitchen  2012/2013. If you want to use anything, go ahead but let me know, and make sure it’s attributed to me. I’m not being precious, I’m just protecting a lot of hard work, and a lot of time.

114 thoughts on “About nobodysreadingme-a user’s guide”

  1. Nice to meet you, dude!

  2. We are almost exactly the same age.

  3. Hey, further thought for you: is no one reading you because like we never hear from you? I didn’t know you existed until Audra told me about you. How come you never dropped in to say hi? Huh? How come?

    • Good question. Part of the problem is I’m using basic WordPress and the valves take such a time yo warm up my WiFi connection tends to go all shy. That means I can’t access my reader, and if I put in search terms the whole thing goes shy and coy on me.
      So I tend to navigate by links. I only ran across unfetteredbs from a link I followed, and look what happened there.
      I’m following you now. Or at least I should be, I clicked the Follow button, but you never can tell.
      So nothing malign merely recalcitrant software and interface.

      • I sympathize then. These e-gremlins generally spend their time crawling along my skin and into my ears to disrupt any chance my brain has of understanding how this gadgetry works. At least you have identified your issue. I am quite at a loss. Well, see if you can test your hypothesis, I posted something about half an hour ago. If it shows up, you are doing well. If not, blame it on the gremlins.

  4. I figured you were a young guy, not an old duffer like me! No wonder you’re so funny. We have to have a sense of humor to survive this long.

  5. PS- I don’t know though, maybe you shouldn’t have created your cast of characters from the members of the United States Congress. General Petraeus is already cranky right now and he really could be having you tailed…..and you know, detained. He’s worse than Dame Dench!

  6. NRM
    Hadn’t spotted your readers guide, so do I just start at oldest Charlie and Me posts and work forward to (half) read the novel?

  7. Hey! Don’t you go moaning on me. I have nominated you for the blog of the year 2012 award. Just click on the link and follow the rules

  8. I love your tagline, “Writers write. The rest make excuses.” True!

  9. Hey, I’m not as far over the hill as you, but I’m over the hill none-the-less. I do like your sense of humor! I know, you warned me. But there is a lot of humor in our house too.

    I’m more of a poet, but I started writing some smaller pieces for a prompt call Flashy Fiction. And I’ve got a continuing story out of poems going for another prompt site called The Sunday Whirl that gives word lists to work with. And I’m not making any excuses.

    Still haven’t made it to that kitchen sink… I’m lashing myself to the mast….
    (OK one small step at a time anyway. Cheers.)

    • Over the hill? I’m most of the way down the next valley.

      I find it slightly odd but intensely flattering that an awful lot of my followers are poets. I took a leaf out of their books when I started writing haikus. Hadn’t read any poetry for maybe 45 years, certainly hadn’t written any since my years of teenage angst

      • Awe – I’m just double nickels this year…
        I’ve been writing poetry for about 40 odd years though.
        Been published a few odd places, but no bucks so I’m not technically a pro. Not an English major either…But that’s another story…
        Didn’t stop after the angst. Just got weirder. Off in all sorts of tangents. Since reaching that half century mark I’ve tried to adapt a more positive outlook. But humor…can’t live without that. Our eldest has that t-shirt…you know the one that says something like;
        “Sarcasim – just one of the many services I offer.”

  10. Your writing is brilliant bits of wit and tit and sticks to beat us with, until we laugh or go away! Am I still here? Another tit please. Cheers, thanks a lot.

  11. I have nominated you for The Liebster Award. You deserve it. Please go here for more info… it’s fun. Cheers. http://lexborgia.wordpress.com/category/high-yield-warheads/

    • Gosh, thank you. I really must find out what it is. I’ll be even more thrilled then.

    • Aaaa, I see. Took me a second to get the tapas joke, then I laughed a lot.
      I may have to have you take me through the process here.
      But thank you anyway.
      PS Tapas indeed. See I did read waht you wrote

      • Did you check the wiki entry4tapas? The key word is ‘sophisticated cuisine.'(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tapas). The Award’s main purpose is to get you/me to open up/share a bit of yourself with the your readers. I’m darn curious to read your answers(please). After my post, I’ve gotten quite a few new readers, and many gasps and awes(with emails) from many surprised people. And strange enough, a bathtub full of sympathy from gorgeous women.
        Be happy, after all, you’re from Lancashire; I did not ask you ‘ManUnited or City!’ But if the key word here is ‘sophistication,’ then I believe life for us is peachy in ‘the Borough’ where the titles are. Cheers mate.

        • OK I’ll see what I can do. May take me a day or so to get round to it.
          Interestingly, my new character of Miss B has proven very popular
          on my blog, at least in part because she gives some insight into who I am.
          I’ll keep you posted.
          Thanks again.
          PS Not sure if I do sophisticated, but I’ll give it my best shot

        • OK moy deario. I have a deal for you.
          I’m unwilling to subject any of my readers to the ordeal of felling obliged to accept the award and then fess up in public.
          So here’s what I’ll do. I put up a Page with the responses.to your questions, and the info about me you may find interesting. It will be an open page, so anyone can access it, but it doesn’t pressure anyone else.
          How does that sound?

  12. I’ll take a slice of that.
    By the way, you, me, noone else, is obliged to do anything. It’s a personal decision. Nominate one person or nobody, or go back to sleep, whatever suits you. I had a another post planned anyway(‘Writers don’t make Excuses!’ Sounds familiar?): blogs review. It’s coming on 19.Feb. This nobody is still reading you. Cheers.

  13. Don’t remember how I found this blog… but then I’m a 60+ blogger and who gives a sh..t how I found you blog… but it is great and your post gave me a good laugh.. specially thinking back to my Rag days… well I’m going to follow you and enjoy more of your posts… nice to meet you…

  14. clericcowan said:

    Hello to you too, bud.

  15. ajaytao2010 said:

    Nice reading about you.

    Thanks. For visiting my blog Ajaytao2010@wordpress.com. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may definitely find something of your interest.

  16. elisaruland said:

    Nobody reads me either, but unlike you, it’s because I’m a terrible writer! Nice to meet you. 😉


  17. “Hard cheese.” That’s my new favorite phrase!

  18. A pleasure to meet you and your blog, sir. I’ll be popping in for more of a gander as time permits…

  19. melanietoulouse said:

    Hi Duncan! Glad to have come across your virtual spot… I like everything, especially this one:”I don’t write serious stuff very often.” – me, too, également… 🙂 A bientôt! 🙂

    • Thanks for popping along. I see you’ve now joined my loyal Followers. Welcome.
      Remain seated, make sure the restraints are securely fastened, and keep your arms inside the car at all times.

  20. AnElephantCant help thinking
    This is some crazy stuff you have created
    You may be slightly mad
    But please don’t be sad
    AnElephant thinks sanity is vastly overrated

  21. That picture is one of my favorites!

  22. Just a compliment on your superb taste in headers. I have that header, but it’s a poster, in my dining room. I love it.

  23. I just remember the name — Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Phew. Thought brain death was at it again.

  24. m glad to be here:)

  25. Aiming for Simplicity said:

    Duncan, I think you are doing so well I nominated you for a Liebster Award, check it out here http://aimingforsimplicity.wordpress.com/ and keep it up, Charlie is AWESOME…(ps – thanks for the links the other night, great reading)

  26. You’re doing pretty dang good, so far!!

    I love stumbling upon new blogs just by the comments the blogger leaves on other blogs. Following bloggers who follow bloggers who follow bloggers. It’s a damn Escher painting.

    I did read some of your old posts. I see you don’t care for posting about sex. I don’t plan on doing that regularly, but I was just about to. Just this once, because my blogging mentor told me to write what my truth, whatever it is.


    Now I’ve gone all thought police on myself.

    Well, nice to meet you! I look forward to more of your blog.

    • I don’t write explicitly about sex, at least not here on my blog. It’s a family show here. However in my fiction there’s a lot of sex, but I do prefer to keep it implicit. The best sex is in the mind.
      If you feel you need to write about sex, then go ahead. But it’s not a good idea to do so simply cause you think you shpuld. It’s such a very personal area. I like the simile about the Escher painting. Glad you liked what you’ve read, and I hope to see you back soon. I’ll try to make some time to pop over and see what you’re up to.

  27. Dear Duncan – Hope 2014 is going well so far – good to find you last year and look forward to many more posts this year.

  28. Glad I found your blog. Looking forward to exploring.

  29. Trent Lewin asked me to say hello to you from him, so “Hello!” from Trent.

    This one’s from me: Hello!

    (I think mine’s better, but don’t tell Trent I said that. He’ll just call me “bugnuts” again.)

  30. I wrote this post to which K A Brace commented “when I’m in this mood I remind him of you”.


    Glad he got a belly laugh and sent me your way 🙂

  31. New(ish) to blogging. Just having a look around and you caught my eye. I’ll be back for a rummage around your blog soon.

  32. Well, what a surprise! From your post on abortion and viagra I had presumed you were a woman. Very good to meet you. 🙂

  33. Your blog is really something.

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