This will make no sense at all unless you have read Striking a happy medium. So you need to do some homework, I’m afraid.
No, you haven’t missed Part Two; it’s just not finished, as the muse struck me for Part Three as I was writing it.
Striking A Happy Medium Part Three-The Socialite
A Victorian sitting room. The room was dark, dark scarlet drapes drawn tightly. Heavy, dark furniture. A dark wood sideboard, occasional tables. Thick Persian rugs on the teak floor. A large mahogany table, surrounded by dark oak chairs. The gaslighting had been turned off. The only light came from a few guttering candles. Shadows played on the walls, and across the anxious faces of those seated at the table.
At the head of the table sat the renowned medium, Madame Zsa Zsa. She wore a purple turban, dark eyeshadow, thick rouge, her sinewy neck rising from a purple velvet dress. Heavy silver hoops jingled form her ears. Her thin wrists were heavy with bangles. Many rings on her claw like hands.
She spoke. A heavy Eastern European accent.
‘We are gathered. We must relax. We must open our minds. We must become receptive. We muste become empty vessels for the spirit guides. We must let them in. Close your eyes. Let the spirits in.’
Eyes closed around the table. Madame Zsa Zsa began to breathe heavily.
‘He is here. The spirit is here! Who are you spirit? Tell us your name! I command you!’
Zsa Zsa spoke with a new voice. Deep, guttural.
‘My name is Johnny Two Rivers. I am half Apache, half whiteman. I was a great scout for the US Cavalry.’
Sotto voce, a comment. ‘Doesn’t he have a home to go to?’
‘Silence! The spirits are easily scared. Tell us Johnny Two Rivers. Do you have a message for anyone.’
Guttural. ‘Is there a Kat here? Kitty? Karamazov? Kit Karamazov?’
‘That would be me, you loser. Hel-lo? Kim Kardashian? What? Ya never heard of me? Where’ve you been all your life, dead? Moron.’
‘Yes, that is the name. Kim, you must honour your father and mother.’
‘Get outta here, you jerk. Just get outta my life!’
‘There is more, Kim Kardashian. You must wear underwear when climbing out of a limo outside a nightclub.’
‘But I always go commando, you lamebrain So people see my ass. No big deal.’
‘And you must not allow your man to video you having sex and expect it not to end up being seen by those you wish not to see it.’
‘Well, duh, no shit Sherlock. You’re a bit late aren’t you? What a retard!’
‘I can only tell you what I can tell you, Kim Kardashian.’
‘Bite me, you cretin. Get outta my room,and get outta my life. I hate you! Oh, leave the Amex card, OK? Asshole.’