Swahili for beginners

Lesson 1. In a bar *








Hi, how are you?
Nzuri, asante. Habari?


Fine thanks. And how are you?
Nzuri, asante sana


Fine thank you very much
Mimi omba beer. Kuna?


I’d like a beer. Is there any?
Pombe? Do you want the local stuff made from millet or bananas, that tastes like something died in it and makes you blind, mad and dead in that order?


Hapana! Tafadhali, mimi nataka ‘Safari’ No! I’d like a Safari, please, even though I recognise that, as it has an ABV of only 5.2%, you lot think it fit only for invalids or milksops


Hakuna Safari. Serengeti Kick? There isn’t any Safari. How about a beer that is so ludicrously alcoholic it verges on the hallucinogenic?


Wahuna matata. Serengeti Kick. No problem. Serengeti Kick it is, though I expect I will later regret the 7.4% ABV



Mimi ngonjwa….. Nimeibiwa! Saa ngapi? Wapi mimi? Hii hospitali?


I’m sick… I’ve been robbed! What is the time? Where am I? Is this the hospital?


Saa mbili. Hapana, stesheni ya polisi….. Two o’clock. And no, it is the police station…..


* Footnote. The strength of the beers makes the bar an ideal place to start Swahili lessons, as after three the language seems to come naturall

1 thought on “Swahili for beginners”

  1. Okay you silly fucker,

    We’re reading you.


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