The Haikus of Lee Roy Fuckwit

Marlene Flatt

There’s a lady who

could melt the hardest of hearts

like grilled Velveeta

In Memoriam

When Dale Earnhardt died

he made a mess of his car

It made me real sad


Burgers go best with

pickles onions mustard

a cool brew or two

My buddies

Bubba Dubba and

Hubba are my best friends that’s

for sure. They like beer


I like cornbread fine

it’s tasty and good for you

but I prefer grits

My dawg done died

Blue fell out of my

pickup truck when I was J

turnin too damn fast


She’s my momma and

makes the best goddam grits in

the world. None better

French Fries

In Belgium they eat

them with mayonnaise. That’s why

I don’t trust Belgians


A real purty name

for a girl and a great track

I like drivin there

GM Foods

I don’t buy GM

foods. I’m a Ford man to my

bones. Always will be

The Flatt Girls

I did love Darlene

and Charlene too but Marlene

was sumpn special

My pickup truck

My truck needs three arms.

One out the window, one for

beer, an one to steer


9 thoughts on “The Haikus of Lee Roy Fuckwit”

  1. I think my favorite one is in memoriam.

  2. I also like ‘In Memoriam’ – glad I stopped here for a visit.
    I used to live in Indianapolis, Indiana – home of the famed ‘500’ but really just how many left hand turns can one watch?

    • A very good point, and one that explains why IndyCarts are not very popular in the UK. There is a stalwart NASCAR contingent, of whom I would still be one if I had satellite. Of course I’d need a televison too, and I haven’t had one of those for years

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes said:

    Ha! Like the pickup truck 🙂

    They’re all great. Haiku people are clever.

    • It was just an intriguing idea. I’d never tackled poetry before, and certainly never haiku, so I thought I’d give it a whirl. Using the voice of a totally fictitious character, just to make things more difficult…

      • WordsFallFromMyEyes said:

        I love your totally fictitious character’s name 🙂

        • he’s brilliant, he said modestly. He’s my alter ego, the bad guy with a heart of gold. Next week he gets another outing with another of my alter egos, Miss B. She’s very calm, very measured, orderly, restrained, maybe a bit starchy. And in love with Lee Roy Fuckwit. I’ve done this chance encounter before, and it’s very very hard work. Because I have to use two voices to describe myself. It ain’t half good fun though.
          You can find the first part of the four part encounter at

          I hope you read it. I think this, and the subsequent parts 2 to 4, are some of the best things I have ever written.

  4. A nice collection of fuckwits.

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