How to be naff

I see with some dismay that you can now buy personalised bottles of Coca Cola. Should you doubt me, then I’ll show you.

I feel this concept is ineffably naff.

Just how much ego do you need to feel it necessary to remind people how cool you are? Or, to look at it another way, just how fragile is your sense of self that you need to remind people who you are? Bloody hell, the advertising suggests you get bottles personalised with the name of your dog! Just how naff is that?

There’s also the one-upmanship involved. You may think that it’s cool to splash out £1.90 for a 250 ml bottle just to show how hip to the beat you are. Know what? Your acquaintances will think you’re a tosser, because they’ll have just got back from the shop where they could have bought a 1.25l bottle for a mere £1. That’s the deal in my local CoOp.

If anybody I know had the bad manners to try and serve me a personalised bottle of Coca Cola, I’d decline it on two grounds. One, it’s a huge error of judgement to serve Coca Cola at all. Two, personalised Coke bottles are laughable. If I accepted it, I’d be forced to take the mickey out of them mercilessly until they died of shame.


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