How to design something I’d never dream of buying. Part 3

This is a follow on from the Museum of failure and earlier posts about the world really not needing something. The Apple watch. I got that right, because it tanked. The Rollie, the omelette on a stick device, sank without trace. Malachy Moynihan caught a $120M cold with Juicero, when punters realised they didn’t need the 700 dollar machine when they could just order the pouches and slice them open.

Prada will sell you a paperclip for a cool 140 quid, and I believe you can even purchase luxury cable ties. I dunno why you’d do that since they’ll be hidden, but there you go, more money than sense time. Marc Jacobs will skin you for upwards of thirty eight grand for a handbag. It goes on, doesn’t it?

Just when I thought things couldn’t get more stupid, somebody proved me wrong. The prosecution calls the designer Raf Simons, whose very name suggests there’s fatuousness coming our way. He’s come up with the idea of designer duct tape. It’s come out under the brand name Youth Project.

Most of us have some duct tape knocking around in the special drawer in the kitchen with things in it you don’t always know what they are, and a bunch of supermarket receipts going back five years. If you’re a DIY buff, it may take up its place in your toolchest. If you’re an Alabama redneck, there’ll be some in the glovebox or bed of your pickup truck. These are all places that are the natural habitat of duct tape. It belongs there.

Here’s where it doesn’t belong. In your wardrobe. The unbalanced Mr Simons has decreed his brand-printed tape is a suitable, indeed desirable, alternative to a belt. Yep, duct tape hits the catwalk as a fashion accessory. This tomfoolery started earlier this month.

I can see two possible problems here. The first is the brand name. You’ve pretty well alienated anybody over 21 with that handle, haven’t you? The Goop crowd just lost interest. Definite ageism here. Raf may have cut his own throat* here.

Then we have the thorny problem of the colour scheme. So far my researches have revealed that you can buy this stuff only in white with red block lettering. White goes with everything, but red? Any number of fashion gaffes (or should that be ’gaffers’?) to be made here. Mind you, if you’re wearing duct tape and haven’t been kidnapped, you’re already in difficulties.

This wackjob was creative director at Christian Dior for three years. I’m surprised it’s still afloat.

*He can bind it up with duct tape to staunch the bleeding, I suppose.