On Saturday a local watering hole is hosting a ‘Payday Selfie Party.’ The deal is that you show up and take lots of selfies, and the best efforts win prizes.

You can probably imagine my reaction to this as a concept, but just in case you can’t, I’ll tell you. I won’t be going near the place unless it’s to firebomb it. Selfie is a corruption of the words ‘self-indulgent.’ They have no place in a civilised society. Certainly politicians should drop the whole idea. They don’t get to see enough self images in the press and broadcast media? Just how far up themselves are they?

The average selfie is little more than an opportunity to get on Facebook or Instagram and shout, ‘Hey! Look at me! Me! Not the others!’ Men are bad enough at this, but women go completely bananas, as I have pointed out before. Women post selfies as they’re getting ready to go out, often more than one as they have an existential clothes crisis. Then they are relentless in their onslaught during the night out on the razz with the girlies. Here’s me on my first marguerita. Me on my third. Here’s me 15 Sambucas in. Here’s me thinking the last Bailey’s and Drambuie was a mistake. Here’s me with the rather dishy copper. Me inside the police van.

Selfies are more tedious than other people’s holiday snaps, and those from tomorrow night’s shindig will probably be even more tedious than normal. Just how many photos will be circulating of people lighting their own farts, or being sick outside the bar? Even in the bar.

The people I feel most sorry for are the security people on the door. They’re going to be plagued by drunken hoorays taking selfies with them, and that will be no fun at all. Nope, this is a bad idea all round. I’ll be staying in and avoiding Facebook like the plague.

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