I am a very unlikely candidate here. I look like a weedy bastard.
Do not be deceived. I was a very good distance swimmer, and even now if I go to the pool and don’t do a mile, I’ve failed. It takes some upper body strength. A lot of it.
Thing is though, I never looked what you might call useful. Till one night in The Cock in Barford, not far out of Norwich. I took a fucking tractorboy to the fucking cleaners that night, I can tell you.
A bunch of us, all undergrads, were in this pub, and getting a bit of grief off a farmerboy.
‘You’re all a bunch of nancies, you students.’
I got on my mettle.
‘Really? Well here’s a deal. I’ll arm wrestle you. You lose, you buy me, and my girlfriend, and my two mates here, drinks all night. If I lose, I buy you and your mates drinks all night. No shots. I don’t want to abuse your hospitality.’
‘Fuck, reckon you can take me on?’
‘I’m fucking certain I can.’
‘Let’s fucking do it then.’
‘You are going to regret this. One rule. Opposing hand can be used to stabilise your arm at the elbow. And I am about to mop the floor with your sorry miserable arse. Get your fucking wallet ready and waiting.’
Thing is, you do not need to be big. You just need fucking attitude. And I have fucking attitude to spare.
Who do you think won ? Of course I did! Free beer all night.